I was really hoping to have done a post before now but, as the saying goes, life happens. Illness, a family crisis, an injured dog, and moving office to make room for a guest bedroom has rather got in the way. Never mind, the chaos has abated somewhat and I have finally found the time to sit and write.
I don’t know about you, but I find that this time of year, when it’s cold and dark, is one for quiet contemplation – both of things that haven’t worked, and of future plans. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions, but I do believe in having goals that can be started and worked on at any time of year, not just in January. Many of my previous goals and beliefs have fallen by the wayside, which has made me sit down and think about what really is nurturing for me, and what has been just wishful thinking.
But now, after some hard realisations about my strengths and weaknesses, I think I now know about who I am and who I am not. So I’m going to reveal my true self for better or worse…
I AM A WRITER.
End of. Fini. Nothing else, apart from mother, partner and daughter. I am a writer of works that I want to write. I am not a business woman of any kind, nor am I the sort of brilliant crafter/artist who is top of their speciality. I am not a designer or copywriter. I do not enjoy meeting lots of people – unless they are writing or history people, and I can’t do small talk. In fact, I love my own company and doing things in my own way and time, depending on how my mood swings and brain are behaving on any particular day.
I have given up on fighting the things that really stress me out, and admit readily that I am a lot more fragile than I ever wanted to believe. As you get older, fighting to act stronger than you are becomes tiring and so it becomes easier to just be truthful, show your vulnerability and own it.
Such realisations have led to a huge decluttering of my life: CDs and books that no longer have relevance, bad habits and ways of eating – all are being cleared. In fact, anything does not make me feel good about myself (and that includes people too) is no longer welcome.
So, how about you? Have you found yourself re-evaluating your life at this time of year, and what conclusions have you drawn (if any). What are you clearing out in order to make room for what you need?